I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
