I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
