this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's blow job season.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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