You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
