you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
