he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
