I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
