are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
