I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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