I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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