Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
