coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
