I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
True strength comes from lack of pants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
