Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
