After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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