I hate all girls vehemently.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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