Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
