i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
