you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
