I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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