I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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