What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
