He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
