I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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