I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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