btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
