there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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