my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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