You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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