party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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