Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Life is so much better after having sex.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
