Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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