Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
