Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
