Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
