She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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