Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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