I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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