Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
