i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
