He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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