I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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