At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
