I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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