i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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