It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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