I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
