I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
tell me about the eggs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
