I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
