I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
