Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
